Friday, August 31, 2012

August 30th & 31st, 2012

Yesterday I documented a bit of why Ski and I are really good influences on each other.

Clearly we bring out the best in each other, shouting out of windows is the most classy, sophisticated way to live.

Today, I forced my husband to go out.

We went out at nighttime and when we left it was actually dark. He grumbled about it, because he is secretly 75 years old, but we had a good time and I got a good picture out of it.

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

August 28th & 29th, 2012

Lately it has come to Daniel and my attention that Barnacle is fat. Not like, roly poly fat, but he doesn't have a defined stomach like he's supposed to. So, I've taken it upon myself to cut his food and up his exercise. This exercise includes daily walks (hopefully).

So, here he is, in action. I tried to take a normal picture of him but Barnacle is rarely normal.

Today, Bootstrap proved that taking him for walks would be a futile exercise.

He's happy to sleep all day. At least that's what I assume he does while I'm at work, and then he does it some more when I get home.

What a life.

Monday, August 27, 2012

August 27th, 2012

On my way out to lunch today I came across a plaintive cry for affection.

I wish I could love you, weird star thing, but you're just not my type. Plus, you're not carbon based. Plus, I've never met you and it seems a little weird that you're already begging for love. Plus I am married. Philandering star.

Honestly, I have no idea wtf this thing is or where it came from or why it was in my path. But, that didn't stop me from picking it up and putting it in my pocket.

Just kidding, you don't know where that star's been.

Sunday, August 26, 2012

August 24th - 26th, 2012

A while back we bough Bootstrap and Admiral a cat condo, just a little cave for them to hang out/on. However, in the process of purchasing their kitty hideaway, we accidentally stole a toy. Turns out Admiral loves his shoplifted octopus.

Before you assume I've become a hardened criminal, the truth is there was a toy stashed in the cat condo that we didn't notice until we got home. But, as soon as we threw it for Admiral he was in love - it's his favorite toy, Ever.

On the 25th, Daniel slept the day away after mid-shift.

I just happened to walk in on this mid-day. They were literally in this position for hours. It's the cutest, most hilarious thing, ever.

Today, my cats were just cute and weird together.

There's really nothing to say about these weirdos snuggling.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

August 22nd - 23rd, 2012

So, lately I've been going on Mostly because it's fucking hilarious. Damn dogs deserve some shame. I admit it's on the heels of the Will Ferrel SNL skit about shaming your dogs into good behavior, but that makes it no less hilarious. So, I decided to devote two days to the internet hilarity.

On the 22nd.

I roll my hershey kiss foils into little balls. Then I throw them for the cat. Then Barnacle snatches them and eats them. Then I see them in his poop. It's a vicious cycle.

Today! The 23rd!

Barnacle pooped on the stairs. 'Nough said.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

August 19th - 21st, 2012

It has been hot as a bitch here lately. I know, I know, rest of the world "it's been 100 degrees every day here! Waaaaaaaah!" Well, try having the 100 degrees with no A/C, ANYWHERE. Not even at the dentist's office. Yeah. So, it sucks when it's that hot here, it's unbearably uncomfortable, and even the cats are feeling the pain.

I have been finding Bootstrap lazing around the house in very random places, for instance, this chair. Bootstrap usually sticks to his recliner or the bed, but lately it's been the kitchen chair, the counter, the tv stand, the floor. I think he's trying to find somewhere, Anywhere, that is cool. Good luck, buddy, 'cause so am I.

On the 20th we took pity on Barnacle.

We gave him a cold shower to cool him down. Again, he could not get out of the tub and Daniel had to wrangle him over the side. Dopey 100 pound dog.

Today, Admiral proved that one man's trash is another kitten's plaything.

Case in point: Admiral playing with a bit of fluff which Barnacle so helpfully pulled out of his pillow. While I cleaned up most of it, Admiral managed to scrape up a piece to bat around his playroom. Yes, the cats have their own room. I hear you laughing, you jerks.

Finally, Barnacle being weird.

He likes to lay beneath my legs, like I'm going to protect him from the wicked witch.

Don't worry, buddy, I got your back.

Saturday, August 18, 2012

August 18th, 2012

I've had a very exciting Saturday. I went to the PX, I made a salad, and I took a one and a half hour nap. I finished the night by eating a big bowl of popcorn and watching Dawson's Creek. But, I had some beggars during my popcorn moment.

Toward the end of my snacking, I realized I should probably stop eating the whole bowl lest I blow up to the size of a circus tent. Granted, I was eating smart pop - 94% fat free - but these thoughts are always in my masochistic brain. So, I decided to treat my fatty animals. Here they are fighting over a solitary piece of popcorn. It kind of looks like they're kissing.

Have I mentioned my animals are weird?

Friday, August 17, 2012

August 14th - 17th, 2012

On weekday mornings Bootstrap has a ritual. As soon as I open the bedroom door he races out to me and over to the bathroom, where he knows I'm headed. Then he does a dance wherein he rubs against my legs and generally begs for attention. I call this the "Feed Me Dance" because I know he's doing it because he's hungry. Then, eventually, when he realizes I have things to do and he has to wait, he flops over on the floor, as seen on the 14th.

Then he stares at me with crazy eyes - crazy hungry eyes. In fact, "Hungry Eyes" cues up on the stereo as soon as he looks at me like that.

On the 15th, Daniel and I went on a date. We went on a Wednesday because he has a weird schedule and this was his day off. On the way back from the restaurant I saw a pretty sight.

Not quite sunset,  but still pretty and silhouettey.

On the 16th, Admiral decided to snuggle up with me as I read on my bed. That rhymed. Moving on!

And he also decided to be creepy/weird and stare at me upside down. I believe he was looking at me because I had the audacity to stop petting him for a moment. Such a weirdo.

Finally, today, I had a minor coronary while taking money out of the ATM.

Mr. Spider here scared the crap out of me. In fact, I let out an audible gasp and stifled a shriek. I debated going to a different ATM, but it seemed ridiculous to drive across post to avoid a daddy long legs. Thankfully he didn't lash out or attack and I was able to retrieve my euro with a fully intact hand/face.

Fuckin' Daddy long legs.

Monday, August 13, 2012

August 13th, 2012

On Saturday, I was racing across the room to get Admiral off of my laptop keyboard when I slipped on my heel. I went ass over tea kettles and landed on my back. I lay staring at the ceiling for awhile, wondering if my kitten pressing random buttons and possibly flipping my screen upside down was worth this embarrassing incident and decided it probably wasn't. I slowly pulled myself off the floor and noticed that my amazing acrobatics had scared Admiral clear out of the room and he only managed to hit the caps lock key. The bad news was, I got a blood blister on my big toe.

I didn't take a picture of the blood blister, because it was black and disgusting. Although, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't fascinated by it because I've never had one before. I squeezed it a little when I first noticed it and a little blood squirted out and it grossed me out so I stopped, put a bandaid on it and said good day. Then, two days later, while staring down at my feet, I noticed that it had grown, and looked like it was going to explode. So, I did what I always do when I see a mysterious skin ailment: I scratched at it and squeezed, and out poured this watery, bloody substance. I squeezed until it felt relatively flat and let me tell you, it was a pretty gratifying experience. Disgusting, yes, but it didn't hurt and I deflated the hell out of it.

But, then I figured I should probably bandage it to avoid future pain and/or infection, and I found the perfect bandaid (again).

Spongebob is the nurturer of all things bloody and painful.

I realize that sounds creepy, but it is a profound truth.

Sunday, August 12, 2012

August 12th, 2012

Today I went grocery shopping by myself, which has it's positives and negatives. The biggest negative is that I had to carry all the crap up the stairs by myself. But, on the positive side, I got to buy my husband hilarious food he wouldn't have let me get if he were there.

It was either this or regular chicken nuggets, and seriously, where's the fun in normal nuggets? So, I bought creepy whales and dolphin shaped nuggets, which I find hilarious.

When I see this bag I think of the nuggets as soggy somehow, but then I realize, you don't eat them from the sea, they just look like they come from the sea. You know, if sea creatures were battered and made of chicken.

Though, I guess it's better than chicken shaped chicken nuggets, that would just be creepy. Also kind of hilarious. Shit, I should get on this idea.

Saturday, August 11, 2012

August 11th, 2012

As you can probably tell, my life is pretty exciting. I spend a lot of my time with fictional characters from a WB show, and I go to bed at 9:30 on most nights. So, it'll shock you when you find out what I did with my Saturday night.

I spent my night with a big bowl of popcorn and Dawson's Creek. I would feel sorry about this but the truth is I'm a big homebody. I like hanging around the house, watching TV, reading, eating snacks. I find it very relaxing after a long work week. Of course, I would rather my husband were not working at the moment and I could spend my weekends solely with him, but I'll take James Van Der Beek as a substitute.

Well, really I prefer Joshua Jackson, but let's not split hairs.

Friday, August 10, 2012

August 10th, 2012

I think I should rename this project to "My Pets Are Odd". Now, while odd, they are also cute. Exhibit A!

I think the pictures say it all - my cats are in gay love. It's a wonderful love.

I'll admit, when I brought Admiral home I was nervous that it was a mistake. Bootstrap was completely freaked out, hissing and growling and running away. I was sure they would hate each other forever. But, now I feel vindicated, because they clearly love each other. They spoon for crying out loud. They also clean each other, and I googled it, only cats who love each other clean each other.

So, I have a very loving, weird pet family.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

August 9th, 2012

I walked out of the bathroom this morning, after having beautified myself, and found this going on.

So, it turns out Admiral is not afraid of water. So much so, in fact, that he actively plays in it. Like a pigeon.

This is the scene I saw: Admiral swirling and splashing water around the kitchen with his paws, so much so that there was a big, giant puddle in the kitchen. Of course, I did the logical thing and took pictures of it and then I hastily mopped some of it up and left the rest for Daniel.

I have my priorities in order.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

August 8th, 2012

For old times sake.

Instead of a picture of both cats, here is a picture of Daniel snuggling with Bootstrap. To be fair, Bootstrap was snuggling with both of us, but he was laying towards Daniel, so this is the picture that came out of it.

Also, it looks like Daniel is voguing.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

August 6th & 7th, 2012

On the 6th there was yet another installment of "I have the weirdest pets alive".

I guess it was bath time, no one told me. Of course, as soon as I turned the water on the cats scattered. Well, they slipped and slid and crawled their way out of the tub.

On the 7th I took a narcissistic picture.

In order to show off my hair cut, that is. I decided to nip the Pocahontas hair in the butt.

Also on the 7th, on a leisurely walk I was confronted with this.

A wall of black clouds.

Sadly it was kind of a let down, no thunder or lightning or houses flying by with red headed chicks and little dogs. That being said, it would've freaked me out to land in Oz that afternoon - mostly because that movie totally freaked me out.

Sunday, August 5, 2012

August 5th, 2012

Today was a typically lazy Sunday. I wandered around in my pajamas and spent the day watching bad television. I also slept until 11:30 - not a bad way to spend a day. It seems this lazy bliss was contagious, or maybe I'm slowly morphing into a cat.

I walked into the bedroom and saw this guy, Admiral, taking up the whole bed. I find it amusing that our smallest animal took up our biggest piece of furniture. It seems his name is very fitting, he certainly dominates over the other animals. In fact, I noticed that Bootstrap was allocated to our chair.

Such is the life of a cat, I guess.

Saturday, August 4, 2012

August 4th, 2012

This morning I woke up to one of my favorite things posted on my facebook page.

A picture of my husband as a little kid.

I mean, not only do I catch a glimpse into what he used to look like, but I also get to imagine what he looks like with Billy Idol hair. I also got to spend a good hour restoring the picture, which is one of my nerd-loves when it comes to photography. It doesn't look professional, but it looks good enough for me.

Either way, I think it's safe to say my husband was a really cute kid. And - he will probably be THRILLED that this picture is making my 366. You're welcome, darling.

Friday, August 3, 2012

August 3rd, 2012

I haven't had a pedicure in 16 months. Do you understand what a travesty this is in girl world? Pedicures are a testament to pure girliness and unlike clothes shopping or going out to a club, you can always feel good about your feet and not worry about fat rolls and tight clothing. Your feet don't look fat. In fact, you can make your feet look pretty and in the process get foot rubs, which your husband will never do because feet are "gross".

So, in honor of this magical occasion, I creepily took pictures of my pedicure.

Green goop on my feet!

Then the cosmetician proceeded to scrape the dead skin off my feet.

There was enough dead skin to make another foot. It was so gross. Unfortunately I rely on pedicures to keep my feet non-nasty. So, you can see the dilemma - considering I haven't had one in 16 months. So, my feet were very disgusting. I mean, I have a cheese grater for my feet, but I very rarely use it, because I'm lazy. So, I'm glad I found a cheap pedicure place.

Finally, the finishing touches!

My toes are friggin' beautiful.

Thursday, August 2, 2012

July 30th - August 2nd, 2012

One day I followed Arby's on Twitter. I don't really know why, maybe to be funny. I tweeted at them and we bantered about the merits of curly fries. In the process  I mentioned needing some curly fries coupons. Instead, they offered up a giftcard. I received it on the 30th.

I know what you're thinking, Germany doesn't have Arby's. We are sadly deprived of questionable roast beef and delicious curly fries. But, you will never see me turn down the idea of free curly fries, ever. More than likely I will bestow this upon a lucky stateside dweller, but free stuff is free stuff, guys, and free curly fries are even better.

On the 31st my cats decided to nap on the clothing.

Daniel left his (messy) drawer open, so Bootstrap and Admiral took complete advantage and used it as a nest. A love nest.

On the first, Daniel and I went downtown.

I saw pretty purple flowers and decided to capture it onto film, or whatever you call it when you take a digital picture. I would've picked some, but there were witnesses.

On the second, Bootstrap was a creepy creep.

I walked into the bathroom and this is what I saw.

He's a total creep.

Also today, the cats were cute again.

Two peas on a pod.

Oh cat love.